And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: and both Jesus was called, and his disciples to the marriage.
With this Ring I thee wed: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.
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Last week I pointed out that in the beginning Man was created in the image and likeness of God. He was the Crown of Creation and he was given the charge to husband creation. As Husband he, and here I mean humankind as a whole, was to dress creation, to keep it, to honor it, to love and to cherish the Garden of God and indeed all of creation. And note that this Office of Husband was given the Man before the Fall. It relates not to his salvation, but his very ontology, the structure of his being, his meaning and purpose in creation.
Today we will consider the God-given Office of Husband not to creation, but to Woman. Man as Husband to his wife is an instantiation and example of the calling that all humankind has to husband creation. And note as well that this Office of Man as the Husband of his Wife was given before the Fall as well, and so it too is constitutive of his calling, his meaning, and his place in Creation. With the gift of the Woman he is no longer Solitary Man. He has become a pair. And a pair is a new thing and something different from the members of a pair — as different as the separate blades of a pair of scissor differ from the scissors. Separate blades can never accomplish what the pair joined together may accomplish. Now another creature stands shoulder to shoulder to the Man. A Creature-Mate who was created of his own bone, blood and breath. In the Man’s transformation from a state of loneliness to a state of communion with the Woman we experience the sanctity and flourishing of human life.
Today there is a lot of talk about who may or may not be married. I do not believe that the word “marriage” is very helpful for Christians here. It does not communicate any content concerning what the Church believes about the joining together of a Man and a Woman. The word “marriage” is too vague; too much of what C. S. Lewis might have called “milk and water” language.
To begin with please note that the Book of Common Prayer does not title the ceremony the “Celebration of the Marriage” or a “Wedding Ceremony.” No, the BCP title is “The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony.” And please notice that it does not read “The Form of Solemnization of Patrimony.”
What is a “Matrimony?” “Matrimony” is a state of being that is created by an act of God in the ceremony itself. It is a holy state of being that includes both the Man and the Woman to the exclusion of other men and women. Both may enjoy and benefit of other men and women in other states, chaste states of being, as in families and friends and certainly within Holy Mother Church. But within the Matrimony itself everyone else is excluded.
So far, so good. But what does the word “Matrimony” mean? It means “the state of being in which a man and a woman are made one.” A man and a woman made a union — yes. A union of a man and a woman — yes.
But what does the word “matrimony” itself mean?
The word “matrimony” comes from the Latin “matrimonium,” which was derived from the word for “material” or “substance.” “Substance” is simply that from which things are made. Material, matter, is what the material things in creation are made. The Latin “mater,” which translated means “mother,” indicates the same thing. Mother is the source of the matter from which human beings are made. The original matter from which I was formed came from Margaret Spencer down there in North Carolina. All of us were made from our mothers. In the Nicene Creed when we profess that Jesus Christ “was incarnate by the Holy Ghost of the Virgin Mary” we are, by professing when we say, “of the Virgin Mary,” our belief that the very material or substance of Christ’s humanity came from his mother Mary. Jesus’ humanity was not created out of nothing; it came naturally from his mother Mary. Matrimony means Motherhood, the Office of Motherhood, the Realm, the Domain of the Mother. It is thus a state of being, instituted of God that the Man and the Woman form by being joined together.
But what does it mean to be joined? In the context of Christian marriage it means that the Man and the Woman become One Flesh. When they are made One Flesh they enter into this state of being — the One Flesh state of being. Note that the state of being is One Flesh, not One Person. The two do not become One Person, they become One Flesh. One Flesh, Two Persons. That ought to have a familiar ring to it. Now it begins to sound Christian, even Christological. One substance. One Flesh. But Two Persons. And like the Persons of the blessed Trinity the Persons of the one-flesh Matrimony are equal in power, glory and honor even when they are subordinate to one another under certain conditions.
And how do they become joined and made One Flesh? This is how: when, after obtaining the full and free consent/desire of the Man and the Woman to be joined together, the Priest has them state their desire to “take” one another as wedded Wife and Husband. The word “take” indicates our initiative to bring about, to make this sacrament. Just as the priest may say, “take and eat this in memory…” when delivering the Holy Communion; or as when a man is made a priest, the bishop says, “Take thou Authority to execute the Office of a Priest,” so the Man and Woman are instructed to “take” to themselves this Man and this Woman. This free act of the will is absolutely necessary. But even then the Matrimony has not yet been made a reality. It has been declared to one and all that both the Man and the Woman desire this state of being, this Holy Matrimony, for themselves. They have declared their intention to make a sort of “eucharist” of Matrimony. And yet they are still at this point in the service, just as single as Adam before Eve. They are not yet One Flesh.
But now comes the moment. In the Holy Communion this is what we call the epiclesis — the moment the Holy Spirit comes down upon these gifts upon the Altar and makes them the Body and Blood of Christ. Now comes the Epiclesis of the marriage. The moment the Holy Spirit comes upon the Man and the Woman and makes them One Flesh. And who performs it? The Man! As ironic as it sounds, it is the Man who effects Matrimony of which he will become a member — not the Bride and not even the Priest (who represents and witnesses for the Church, but he does not effect the matrimony). The privilege of actually effecting, of calling down the Holy Spirit upon the Man and the Woman is the soon to be Husband. And it happens this way:
The Priest blesses the ring and then he delivers it to the Man and he places it upon his Woman’s finger and declares:
With this Ring I thee wed: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.
The older version, before the 1928 revision is even better:
With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow; In the Name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.
Grandmother may pass out when she hears, “with my body I thee worship,” but it is absolutely true, good, and Catholic, beautiful! “I thee wed, in the Name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.” That is it, that is the epiclesis and at that moment the Holy Spirit comes down upon the Man and his Woman and makes them One Flesh — a Matrimony. At that moment the Priest may drop dead, but this Man and this Woman are made One Flesh right then and there. Whether she speaks another word, or the Priest speaks another word, doesn’t matter. They are Husband and Wife. They are One Flesh. A new Matrimony has come into existence. A miracle has occurred right before your eyes. And now there is no turning back now.
It is important to note that the man and the woman enter a state of Matrimony, not Patrimony. According to the logic of the liturgy of the BCP the Woman enters the state of Motherhood when she and her man are united in Holy Matrimony, not when (and if) she actually, biologically, conceives and bears children. When she receives the ring from her Man and he pronounces the Trinitarian benediction she is infused with the grace of Motherhood. The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony bestows the grace of “Motherhood,” so that she may walk faithfully in that vocation. Children do not make a Mother; God makes the Mother so that children have a Mother to come to.
One last thing. Ours is a crude age that at best requires crude lines of authority. And it is in error on this. Many think the Husband is the dictator of the family and his will is law. It is true that in Scriptures the Husband is said to be head of the Woman. But being her head doesn’t make him head of everything she rules over. It is hard to see how the Man could be head of Matrimony. Head of the Woman – yes; but the Woman is the Queen of the Matrimony. The Man is the Husband and do you know what that means? That means he is the Queen’s gardener! Yes, it does! If you don’t believe me, read the Bible. And he, in the Solemnization of Matrimony, also received and was infused with the grace of Fatherhood. And by the way, being married to the Queen doesn’t make the Husband the King anymore than being married to Queen Elizabeth II made Prince Philip the King of England.
So we have the Queen and we have a Gardener. To Husband his family he must love his family, he must be present, he must tend it, feed it, love, honor, and cherish, and he must know his wife and family. He must be attentive, intelligent, reasonable and responsible. I’ve never heard a wife complain that her husband was paying too much attention to her and their family. He must be attentive to know if, when and what to prune, or water, or stake for support, and futhermore all that requires confidence and trust between the Queen and the Gardener. Whatever differences may arise between the Two Persons of the Matrimony, those differences will be worked out for the sake of the One Flesh in different ways for different families. One size does not fit all. Every family is different, but what we have in common is that we all work out how we are going to work things out within the context of the horizon of the Catholic faith. It will always require loving and cherishing, grace and finesse. This Matrimony, this Office of Motherhood is the cradle of new life, the God-given means of mothering and husbanding creation — namely to take the material of our bodies and make more children to populate the Garden of God.
And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: and both Jesus was called, and his disciples to the marriage.